we have all seen this occur:
a four-year-old walks into a store with his/her mommy/daddy and sees a toy that they desire. the parent, trying not to spoil their child denies their request. the child begins to scream bloody murder in an attempt to have everyone look at them so their parents, to hush them up, gives them the toy.
what most have not learned, this no longer works after childhood. you cannot scream your ass off to get what you desire ever.single.time. granted, this may work for some for a short while. but believe me, it is short lived.
i am not like a child in the sense of screaming for material things. i do something much more sinister. i cry for affection. i do not do this on purpose, i assure you. it's my natural response to fear; this only being with my significant other.
"would you like an example?"
"yes! please alex! enthuse us with your experiences!"
>.> lame.
EXAMPLE
Jason and i get in the car. usually jason doesn't put on his seat belt automatically, but this time, he did. for some strange, bizarre reason, i use this tone you would address a toddler with and it sounded as if i was mocking him. honestly, i didn't mean to do that and i didn't know i sounded as if i was degrading him. the point of the matter is, is that i did it. no matter how much i apologize, i did it.
later that day, jason continued to act distant and more silent than normal. i knew something was up. i asked him repetitively but he didn't budge. finally, four or so hours after the incident, he admits to what is wrong. i begin crying from the guilt. i felt so bad. also, along with all of the crying, i began apologizing post-haste. my atone did not go unanswered and he said it was something that irritated him, nothing major. secretly, i still felt horrible about it.
the point to all of this is that after he went home and before i fell asleep, i began thinking of why i automatically resort to crying everytime i do something wrong and feel guilty about it. most people that feel guilt do no cry time they are correctly accused of. they think rationally and begin the discussion that leads them back to being okay with someone. i, however, do not. i cry and start my apology.
which leads me to "part b" of this whole bit. i believe that my personal experiences have created this wretched trait. yes. nurture. from a very small child, i was taught that if i did something wrong, i was getting a whipping. that produced pain. i cried before the whipping was even administered. fast forward 10 years. first boyfriend. if he yelled at me, that meant that he was unhappy with me, meaning the possibility of him breaking up with me. heartache makes you cry. i automatically skipped to the possibility of him breaking up with me so the tears started on cue.
i kept these automatic responses through the years and now i have to live with them every time jason is upset with me. it's not that i fear that he will leave me over something so mild, it's just a natural response towards guilt and anguish.
so to clear the air, not all women cry to get out of things.
