those depressing days

i know we've all been there. sitting around, feeling like crying your eyes out. whenever asked what's wrong, you can't really give a valid reason other than the fact that you are 'bored to tears'. i am currently having one of those moments. i don't know what you do when you have these moments, but i sit in my room, in the dark, and listen to depressing 'slit my wrists' music and hope it's the end of the world as i know it. cheery, right? i don't know why i would do this, considering the antidote is definitely sunlight, friends, and a lot of loud music. for some reason i like to bask in my self pity and hope that everyone else who i hate feels my pain. 

wow. i really sound like an emo kid. i'm sure Miricalgrow would be proud. 

oh! another grand aspect to this pity party is that i become skeptical and more paranoid than usual. i talk myself into believing that my friends hate me and that my boyfriend no longer wants my company. truth be told, i actually fear the second portion of that statement more than the first. right now, i am so scared to believe that Jason no longer wants my company. i know it's an irrational fear, but it's still there. white elephant? any who, i know that he loves me. hell, if he didn't love me, i wouldn't know how to handle it. 

not to be mushy, but this is MY blog and i can praise my boyfriend as much as i would like. the reason i value his life in mine is because he's everything i want. if i didn't have him there to talk to me, i would be the loneliest person i know of. saddening, i know. 

i wouldn't speak so highly of Jason if it weren't true. to all of those who would like to critic him, go die. everyone has low points and high points. i'm sorry he has more high points than you. his mistakes have been assessed and now there is nothing, to me, that is wrong or unjust about him. 

NOTE: i am not trying to take away his hardass image, that is not the goal. i'm sure he can kick your ass, but to me, i like to see how kind and passionate he is. 

now that i have strayed completely off topic, i would like to return. the point of this whole rant is that, if you want to be happy on those unhappy days, go out and do fun things. but, if you are like me and would like to wallow in self pity, put in a chick flick that reminds you that you think your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore and cry until your little heart breaks. oh, you get extra points if you can do it while in footy pajamas! 

i would like to say that i am still depressed, but alas, i am not. Jason has, once again, brightened my day. best part, he doesn't even know it... another reason that i love him.